It’s lunch time and you open your phone to do a little scrolling while you choke down the salad you made yourself for lunch...
trying to ignore the constant nausea you have felt ever since you learned of the affair.
Not 1 minute after opening Facebook are you bombarded with ads of seemingly heartbroken couples and headlines that read:
“Divorce made easy”
“What to do after your husband cheats on you”
And within seconds it feels like your body has been flooded with lead.
Your eyes start to burn and your stomach drops.
And because you are an intelligent bada$$, who has creatively problem-solved her way through many-a-disasters in the past, you begin to mentally try to decode the exact definition of an affair, hoping that some clarity will offer a sense of calm and direction.
You think to yourself: “what actually makes an affair, an affair?”
You wonder:
Is it only an affair if my husband had sex with someone else?
What if it was only once?
What if it was just a prolonged romantic relationship with someone?
Or what if he has been texting and communicating with another woman, but they never actually met in person?
What if he has been thinking about an old flame?
There is this piece of you that wants to be able to nail down the exact definition of an affair, believing it will give you a sense of justification for your feelings and actions, while helping you mentally mark certain aspects of their relationship as “unimportant” – believing that a designation will help you to move forward with more ease.
But here is the truth – there is actually no set definition for what makes an affair, an affair.
AND ALSO … having a definition doesn’t actually matter!
While the exact classification of the affair is actually not important, the fact that you are here, reading this post, indicates that there has been a betrayal and you have experienced heartbreak in your relationship.
THAT IS WHAT MATTERS!
For some, it’s only an affair if there is sex involved.
But quite often, any bit of communicating, fantasizing, or reaching out to someone else can feel equally as betraying.
And sometimes that can be confusing.
So, while we can’t actually help you determine what’s an affair, and what’s not.
We CAN help you decipher what led you to this place – where you are feeling betrayed and the slightest hiccup in your scrolling can send you spiraling into despair.
No matter what kind of affair your partner had, the lead-up to it is likely some version of…
Married for over 5 years
Light Years away from the “honeymoon phase” and entrenched in the “I have to love you but I don’t have to like you all the time” phase
Sparse communication and waning connection - the only talking you do is to nag or to make sure you’re on the same page about who is picking your son up after school on Tuesday
You feel overwhelmed and frustrated that you are the only one keeping things together, while your husband feels shut out, shut down, overly controlled, and unable to make decisions
You live in a state of constant sadness, loneliness, and resentment, and the tiniest mess in the kitchen or forgotten trash on the curb sets you off.
Sound about right?
However you classify an affair, the hurt and feelings of betrayal are the same.
The broken trust, the broken heart, and the broken connection are THE SAME.
We’ve worked with so many amazing couples who don’t seem to agree on “what’s an affair”
BUT what they soon realize is that the “kind of affair” doesn’t matter when they are both experiencing broken hearts and trust.
At Reimagine Love, our focus is to help you rebuild your relationship from the ground up.
You can have a fresh chance at happiness - no matter what kind of infidelity has occurred.
Is this resonating with you? Click the link below to get started!
Wishing you all of the best,
Dr. Shawn Haywood
About Dr. Shawn Haywood
Dr. Shawn Haywood is the founder of Reimagine Love. She is a classically trained therapist, as well as a life and marriage coach, who loves to work with women and couples to help them heal fully after an affair. Over the past 25 years, she has helped thousands of women move from the cycle of disconnect to one of unbreakable love and connection, while healing fully after infidelity, in a fraction of the time of traditional marriage counseling.
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